This is all coming from an extremely recent experience (as in tonight) but also from past experiences I have had. Now let's begin.
Courage. Courage can be broken down into many things; courage in battle, courage in sports, courage in school, and even courage in "love" just to name a few. Despite the various situations in which courage can be applied, it's always basically deriving of some kind of fear and the overcoming of said fear in order to achieve some sort of goal. This is always true.
In my life I've been through numerous situations in which others would require courage in order to progress but I pushed forward without so much as a hesitation. Fights, clubs, parties, relationships that were never going to go anywhere to begin with are some of the situations in which I could perform well with no need for courage because frankly, I had no fear. Well, for the first time in a long time tonight I needed courage in order to do something because frankly, I was afraid. As much as I hate to admit it, it's the truth. But that courage allowed me to overcome that fear and I accomplished my half of my objective. However this leads me into my next buzz word.
Disappointment. Now, In my opinion disappointment only really comes when one needed courage to begin with. If there was no fear present, then failure means very little as it took little effort to seek out the goal. This was not the case tonight.
Tonight I did overcome whatever fear I had but unfortunately It did not pay off. This welcomes disappointment. Not in myself but in the fact that It didn't work out. But I am glad that I did overcome the "fear" so to be honest while my failure does suck, I'm not as miffed as I would be if I never even overcame the fear to begin with. Thus invites Apathy.
Apathy. Not in a negative way of course but more in the fact that the disappointment wont bother me much because I'm just glad that I overcame whatever obstacle was in my way. So I won't let myself focus much on the said "failure" because to be honest and in my opinion, I succeeded.
That is all
This is me
I've come to the conclusion somewhat recently that one of my greatest desires in life is that it won't be meaningless. Now what do I mean by that? I couldn't even really tell you that, it's an ever evolving thought that I only recently have come to grasp. To summarize it's current meaning to me, however, is something I can do for you, for myself.
My previous motto or meaning for life was, simply put, to live my life to the fullest without regrets so that one day I may look back and be proud of the journey I took. While I still share this dream it has changed somewhat slightly. I've come to realize that while that self assurance is all well and good, it alone will not make me happy with my years spent.
I want to live my life the way I see fit, along my own path on my own journey. I want to experience all that I can so that I may learn all that I can. I wish to regret nothing, embrace everything. And I wish to not simply fade away after my time has come with a sense of self satisfaction. I want others to learn from my time. Teach those that are lost without forcing them to see. Share my thoughts with those that would wish to hear them. From my future children to my present friends and forever strangers, I wish for anyone and everyone to be able to regard my stories as advice (with questionable reliability at worst) and learn something from me and learn of me.
I refuse to fade to nothing, depart this plane with no one to witness my absence. I will be heard, I will be remembered, I will die yet I will still live. This is my wish in life.
These stories are how I plan to make it happen.
what was the experience?
ReplyDeleteTo be honest it's probably best left unsaid to the public
ReplyDelete