Opening Up

   Well, for today's post I figure I would talk about something that means a lot to me.  Why this topic?  I have no idea.  But whatever.
  
    Well, for me opening up is hard.  Like extremely difficult for me to do.  Because of this I'm usually seen as a "loner" or sometimes people just assume that I think that I'm too good to talk to them or something.  Neither of these things is true whatsoever.  See, I have swag and what I mean by swag is confidence being that that is the actual meaning of the word swag.  That confidence (or swag) bleeds over into people's persona thus inspiring nicer clothes and the other things that are usually associated with swag.  But anyway, with this confidence I don't care about hate and fear and being a "Beta" (basically the opposite of swag) and all of that "I need to impress" bullshit.  All of it means nothing to me.

    Now you can se why people assume that I'm conceited right?

    So I don't open up to a lot of people.  Well, actually that isn't true.  I do open up eventually nut I only open up to my friends.  You see for me, friendship is the most important thing to me in all of my experiences of life up to this point.  Friends have saved me, both literally and figuratively, have helped me better myself, have inspired me, and have basically motivated me to grow from the destructive whelp I used to be to the much more polite, calmer, more chill, and all-around better person I am now.  That being said there is still always room to improve and I know this beyond anything else.  But my point with friendship is that I truly care about all of my friends more than I do myself.  I feel that I owe myself to every friend I have had and will have.  And to be honest, I kinda do.

   So I do open up eventually but only to my friends and at that to friends that I'm closer to (at least in my mind) and that I feel somehow that one of us will benefit from my opening up and explaining what makes me me.  I don't know what causes me to decide on which friends I feel this way towards or not.  It's probably the spirit but then again it based on what I explain about myself it very well may not be.  I have no idea.

   Now, I would have no problem with opening up to everyone except for one reason that I explained earlier.  Haters.  I don't deal with hatin BS and that comes with me not giving haters fuel to burn me with. This works out generally well for me.  But the only problem I face when I open up to my friends is the fact that, to be honest, one of the big things that makes me me is highly unbelievable being the fact that it's the kind of thing people usually only see in movies but when it comes to me, I've lived it.  being the fact that this is highly unbelievable (and I don't blame anyone who doesn't believe me) sometimes when I open up to friends, friends turn to skeptics and usually eventually stop being friends.  It's happened enough to teach me to not tell all of my friends but only those I feel I can trust with a pice of me the most because to be honest, the "unbelievable" story is what has made me the better person that I am today and while I hold no grudge with anyone who doesn't believe me, I would rather not have to face someone who doesn't know the old me whatsoever to try and tell me that my astounding growth as a person isn't real.

   Sorry for the rant but this is a very important thing to me.  But know one thing, if I ever have or ever do explain to you what I am referring to you (and trust me, when it happens you'll know) then know that I consider you among my friends that for whatever reason I feel that I am closer to and can trust in more.  Just saying.