This is me

I've come to the conclusion somewhat recently that one of my greatest desires in life is that it won't be meaningless. Now what do I mean by that? I couldn't even really tell you that, it's an ever evolving thought that I only recently have come to grasp. To summarize it's current meaning to me, however, is something I can do for you, for myself.

My previous motto or meaning for life was, simply put, to live my life to the fullest without regrets so that one day I may look back and be proud of the journey I took. While I still share this dream it has changed somewhat slightly. I've come to realize that while that self assurance is all well and good, it alone will not make me happy with my years spent.

I want to live my life the way I see fit, along my own path on my own journey. I want to experience all that I can so that I may learn all that I can. I wish to regret nothing, embrace everything. And I wish to not simply fade away after my time has come with a sense of self satisfaction. I want others to learn from my time. Teach those that are lost without forcing them to see. Share my thoughts with those that would wish to hear them. From my future children to my present friends and forever strangers, I wish for anyone and everyone to be able to regard my stories as advice (with questionable reliability at worst) and learn something from me and learn of me.

I refuse to fade to nothing, depart this plane with no one to witness my absence. I will be heard, I will be remembered, I will die yet I will still live. This is my wish in life.

These stories are how I plan to make it happen.

Friday, November 11, 2011

My Rap and Why I Do It

      Some of you who read this may know that I am a rapper.  Defined by the fact that I love to rap and I'm actually pretty good at it to be honest.  While I have no doubt in my mind that I'm not gonna be signed to any label (mostly because I don't have the kinds of resources to make a good mix tape) I still rap and freestyle all the time.  I honestly love it.

      Free styling is an awesome talent because it allows me to vent at anytime, at any place, no matter who is there or what I'm feeling.  It has helped me a lot.  I've also been writing a lot more lately.  When I write I usually put on a beat and freestyle in my head, writing it all down, and then going back and adding to the rap.
  
      The things I rap about are different then what a lot of the stuff you may hear on the radio is.  I rap mostly about myself, the mistakes of my past (there are plenty), my identity crisis, trying to make a new and better self out of all the bullshit that goes on around me.  Those are the type of subjects that I rap about the most but lately I've also rapped about people around me being fake, some problems my friends have /are going through, my brief forays with "love" and things like that.

My bro John
     I used to have a two-man rap group with one of my best friends John that we called BlackTop.  We mostly would just post our lyrics on a simple Facebook page and we recorded some stuff about a year ago but looking back we both think that stuff is pretty crappy and we've gotten a lot better.  So now we have BlackTop: REIMAGINED which we work on together but I'm also pursuing my own solo work and that's what I've been working on mostly.  I have one thing recorded so far and it is actually my Blogger profile's Audio Clip.  It does sound pretty good but it was a freestyle and I was pretty mad so I cuss quite a lot.  I mostly try and avoid a large amount of cussing in my songs.  I may say two or three in a song total hopefully so while that song (called "Forget All These Hater") does sound good I'm not that proud of it.  I actually am working on two other recordings, one is mostly finished and I'm just waiting on a girl I know to sing the hook with me and the other Im still tweaking the lyrics around.

    The second of the two is actually the first installment of this three part project I've been working on called "The Journey: Parts 1-3."  It will talk about my mission of finding out who I am now that I'm not that dark version of myself and what I should do with myself throughout my soul searching "Journey."


    "The Journey Part 1" which I'm mostly done with lyrically is about my general attitude of confusion and exasperation as of right now as I am constantly asking myself who I am and where I'm going in my life.  
    "Part 2" Will be about who I was before and Ill describe that dark person I used to be and how that path I was on affected and still affects me.  That one will most likely be the hardest rap I've done whenever I write it.  
    "Part 3" Will be about where I am now and where I hope to go with myself on my quest of self-improvment.  That one... i'm not sure how it'll turn out.  


   So anyway, there you have it.  Before I go I'll give you a sneak peak at the lyrics for part 1 so enjoy!   And later!!


The Journey pt 1


Im sittin lookin at my life
 Comin tah find the definition of the word strife
Haters comin at me wit all they dull knives
  And I don't care
Theyre never gonna respect this nigga right here
  Foreal
Uh
 And im Despised
 Or idolized,
Either way I'm recognized
 But I must admit
That All yall hatin got me demoralized
 I never fictionalize
But all y'all spread nothin but lies
 Throwing all  my success aside
rock to my face, lord of the flies

Ahhhhhh

Yeah but it's like I said
  Everything I've done I think I truly meant
And even though it's left me so far indebt
  I still walk through the day tah dat wit no regrets
Naaaaaaah
  And That's a lie
Even though I said I never
   Are you really that surprised?
So I guess I lied twice
   But please trust this cat cuz yall ain't no mice
Sometimes I exaggerate when I grab this mic
Uh

Yeah
  And I ain't even playin
Everything that's happened has rotten through my brain
  Uh All over again
It's driving me stupid- what the hell am I sayin
  Man I Can't seem tah get a grip
Why
  When i walk by
You niggas start tah trip
  And if i try tah speak you niggas gone dip
Now im On the bench, ain't playin
  Coach wont put a nigga in
That can't catch all the words that you sprayin
Well okay

So I guess I'm sittin here
 Nothin else is real, not even my nicest fears
But I'm bout tah shrug em off
  like my mommas tears
They the only ones I know
  I havent shed my own In years
So cheers
  to my control
And hold up yo cups
  Full of this patrome
And imma raise to you that I'm never give up
  I swear I'm in the zone
Uhhh
  And if I walk through, then y'all  bettah jump
Cuz imma bout tah snap
 Iike a young buck
Lower my horns
 You bout tah get trucked
So pease understand!
  I don't give a -
What?
  Oh wait
Momma ain't proud of the things I say
  She ask me what's up?
I say I'm just straight
  But she can see that I'm bent like jurassic parks gates
And I respond
  That's just my face
This rex has gone enraged
  Like a T
Pitty dis fool
  You think you know me
Please stay in school
  And all my treatment may seem cruel
  But I swear this game is so hard
And I'm trying tah follow rules
  Now back again
From errthing I've been
  I was climbing this pole but I swear I'm slippin
 In the ratings
People keep asking me why I'm  changing?
  But you don't wanna know this nigga before he ever hesitated
  So if you love life then go head and be patient
   Ive been waitin
For so long I swear I'm anxious
   Tah face it
And If you don't chill then get out my face
  Or my anger will blast this nigga inta deep space
Where I'll separate myself from the whole human race
 But they still want me reBourne
So Go ahead and trace
Me
 And my trajectory
Where am I goin?
  Man I can't even see
Im so fogged up
  You say it's the tree
But I know it's the red bloomin
  Always been my enemy
And maybe when I die itll finally cease
  I guess then I'd finally get tah fuckin rest in peace
But I doubt god will ever let me be
  ive never been lucky, it won't be that easy
Foreal
And even tho it seems kinda scary
 I realize that the pain is kinda necessary
By the end of this I'll be Legendary
 All I gotta do is set out on this ferry
Cuz It's the journey
Yeah
Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)