Stars Tell Stories : February 2012

This is me

I've come to the conclusion somewhat recently that one of my greatest desires in life is that it won't be meaningless. Now what do I mean by that? I couldn't even really tell you that, it's an ever evolving thought that I only recently have come to grasp. To summarize it's current meaning to me, however, is something I can do for you, for myself.

My previous motto or meaning for life was, simply put, to live my life to the fullest without regrets so that one day I may look back and be proud of the journey I took. While I still share this dream it has changed somewhat slightly. I've come to realize that while that self assurance is all well and good, it alone will not make me happy with my years spent.

I want to live my life the way I see fit, along my own path on my own journey. I want to experience all that I can so that I may learn all that I can. I wish to regret nothing, embrace everything. And I wish to not simply fade away after my time has come with a sense of self satisfaction. I want others to learn from my time. Teach those that are lost without forcing them to see. Share my thoughts with those that would wish to hear them. From my future children to my present friends and forever strangers, I wish for anyone and everyone to be able to regard my stories as advice (with questionable reliability at worst) and learn something from me and learn of me.

I refuse to fade to nothing, depart this plane with no one to witness my absence. I will be heard, I will be remembered, I will die yet I will still live. This is my wish in life.

These stories are how I plan to make it happen.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Birthday

In two days from now I will be nineteen.
Two days from now will be just another day.

I am not surprised that my birthday no longer means a whole lot to me but I am surprised just how* little it concerns me. I mean yes, it marks another year of my life but really that's just exciting for those who were alive to know a world without me. A child would hold no concerns for their anniversary of life if the traditions of gift giving had not been imparted into the "holiday"

Why should* my birthday hold meaning to me? Why more so than any other date? Why more so than January 8th, January 24th, or February 13th, all dates that hold much more significance to me?

I can think of two reasons

1. It is a day others who know me wish to give condolences and I should not deprive them of that satisfaction
2. In a year full of reasons to be angry and reasons to be in pain, why not enjoy a day that atleast begins with an inclination of happiness?

So, in short, I suppose that as an adult our birthdays begin to loose significance to us and shift from a day of selfish party-going and gift-giving to a day where those who know us may shout congrats and our day may have atleast one* more reason to be a good one

Monday, February 13, 2012

February 13, 2010

  Today marks two years since the day that I last saw my friend who has saved my life on two different occasions, Darin.

  Truthfully, Darin is the one who first got me involved in the world of blood and pain but realistically I would have eventually inserted myself into that world in a much worse way. Truthfully, I could have got out of that world on my own willpower but realistically I would have wound up dead first, if not for Darin.

  Darin was there when I got my head smashed in and was there when I was looking to return the favor to anyone who looked at me the wrong way. My entire life since those moments two years ago are all because of him, all thanks to him. Happy or not, perfect or not, healed or not...

  It's all thanks to him.

  Thank you, Darin.